harmonious

"Your love of life will be happy and harmonious." This was yesterday's fortune. I think something might've been lost in the translation. Wouldn't a love of life necessarily be happy? And harmonious? Harmonious with what, I wonder? Those cookies are never as straightforward as you'd like them to be, are they?

Enough questions. Things have been going pretty well lately. A few nights ago there was a bit of a dip--I'm not entirely sure what brought it on--but right now I feel remarkably content. Like I've slipped back into the stream of life and am riding exactly with the current, not trying to paddle with it, not trying to fight against it--I've pointed myself in the right direction (for now) and now I just float.

Have I made any of the drastic changes I mentioned in an earlier post? In a way, though the word 'drastic' probably overstated what I actually had in mind. I know I think too much at times, and overanalyze, and sometimes tend to overstate things because of that...I know all that. But I will say that sometimes, if you know that you are in situations that are actively keeping you from being content, then it makes sense to me to get yourself out of those situations, either by altering the situation or abandoning it entirely, unless there's some overriding reason to keep yourself in the situation.

So what has changed? Well, it now appears that I may stay in C-U for an extra year (so I'd be done May 09 instead of May 08). Why on earth would I do this? Because I have decided that the question of the meaning of human life is what I'm truly, deeply interested in studying. I am interested in examining conceptions of the human being (philosophical anthropology or theological anthropology), conceptions of the good life (from a variety of religious and non-religious traditions), and ways that people go about forming (and living out) a conception of the good life (here's where education really comes in, I think). The problem is that I have not been able to explore this interest in great detail over the past X years. But now that I'm done with coursework, now that I'm clear about my focus, I finally have my chance. So I am thinking of taking an extra year to read widely and write widely and think widely and basically try to be sure that I come out of here on my way to becoming an expert on that question. If spending an extra year here will allow me to be able to do the kinds of things I want to do, then it's worth it.

So I'm redirecting myself academically. I'm also redirecting myself socially a bit, but I won't say more about that here right now. The key, overall, is that I am trying to be honest with myself about my values and about how the life I'm living matches up with those values.

I feel at peace right now. Content. I'm even content knowing that I will not feel content every so often. I am examining my life, accepting what fits, and trying to change what doesn't.

More later.