in-spired

Saw my therapist for the third time today, week #3. We ended after maybe 30 minutes with her telling me I should save my five remaining sessions for my back pocket. That's what she said: back pocket. I agreed. And we parted amicably. I realized that I was just telling her about how things used to be bad and now things are good. I was telling her about these problems I used to have, which I seem to have dealt with for now, so it wasn't clear what exactly she was supposed to do.

The one concern I still have, really--the one thing that doesn't seem to have fallen on track--is that I have bad relationship patterns that I will perpetuate. The thing is, I won't know if I'm still having issues with relationships until one actually comes along. So we'll see. I'm hoping that, because most everything else has fallen into place, maybe my attitude towards relationships (which now seems to be that I'd like a relationship but I'm entirely content without one, with just my friends) will fall into place as well.

J and I were talking tonight, and I was saying that we have it so incredibly good here--we were agreeing on this--and that the only two things that could really enhance things right now would be a perfect relationship and a gang of friends who go out regularly where everybody likes each other quite a bit and it's just fun. The perfect relationship may not exist--what most of us have idealized as the perfect relationship probably doesn't exist for anyone--and while I know some great people here, I don't think a 'gang' has formed, really, like what I have in Tampa, what I had in Pittsburgh. And those are fairly big things--but they're not everything. And as long as I have people I love and meaningful work, I can be quite content.

Unofficial comes creeping, and it's got the marks of a drunken disaster.

I heard F. Bergmann speak tonight (and last night)--he wrote a book called On Being Free, which I read last semester for a course and was inspired by--and I'll see him over the next few days/nights as well a few times. I spoke with him briefly afterwards, and I told him I'd really like to be involved with his work--he works primarily now with the New Work movement, an example of an applied philosophy that is actually changing human conditions, and part of this movement includes a revamped educational system. He said he'd try to get a group together before he left here, where all of us who wanted to be involved could exchange email addresses and maybe we could get something going in C-U. This may also be a way to work with him in Detroit (where he's consulting with the Highland Park schools), if I was able to go there for a while...maybe live in Michigan for a while, working with him, learning firsthand how school reform can happen in a way that meshes with my dissertation ideas? I'd be learning, thinking, working, applying? That might be a wonderful idea.