quick thoughts

Here are some quick thoughts I'm having as I'm taking a break from reading. I hope to post something longer tonight. I. bet. you. can't. wait.

Kopi is not a good place to read because it's just too damn dark in here. It's also not a good place to study if you're a little sleepy for just the same reason. Aroma is incredibly bright--a great place to read--but it feels more cramped to me, and the atmosphere isn't as relaxed there. Also, I don't think it has character like Kopi does. This is all making me think that I need to find a new place to study, at least if I want to read or write seriously. Maybe...the library? The library's depressing to me for some reason, maybe because it's a room full of people who don't seem to be having any fun. They don't even seem to be enjoying what they're studying. But it's probably the best place for me to get real work done. I might try working in the apartment, but I sometimes find that difficult, perhaps because I see home as a place to relax, not as a place to work. I don't want to bring my worlds crashing together. There'a also my office, of course, but that seems so isolating to me. I think I either need to start using the library more or find a way to get work done at home.

That wasn't that quick, was it?

I wish I had a group of friends who all knew each other that stretched back a number of years.

I wish I had a community here.

But you know what? I'm pretty happy with what I have, and I've come to appreciate it. I also realize that most of the things that "I wish were different" are things that I could do something about. If I really wanted a community, then I could get more involved in a community, even if it took some work. It'd probably help to settle in somewhere--when you leave somewhere every few years, it's going to be hard to form a lasting community or to become part of one.

I must like flitting from place to place every so often, making friends here and there--it's been a nice way to get to know a lot of people, even if it has kept me from a consistent community.

I need a balance, of course. Just like in everything. Working on it. Maybe I need to stay here next year. But of course, just because I stay doesn't mean that other people are going to stay. That's the thing about being a student--people (you, others) are always coming and going.

There are two people sitting near me in Kopi. The guy works at ER in Urbana, the girl I see around at various coffee places. I've actually spoken to the guy once, at ER, when I was wearing my Arizona shirt, and he said that his sister went to Arizona. I'd said I was just there, wasn't it nice, and that was about it. Both of these people seem pretty damn cool.

This supercool group of five, three guys and two girls, just walked by Kopi. I'm sitting by the window. I see the world from the window. They were on their way to somewhere. They were an attractive bunch.

I would like to try to write a poem, but I don't know if I have it in me. I mean, I know I have it in me to write something cliched and crappy, but I'd like to write something kind of poignant. Maybe I'll be inspired.

I was a little sleepy before but I think this tea is waking me up.

I am looking forward to the coming weeks. They will be hectic. And I have a lot to figure out. Harvard? Chicago? Here? It's nice to be able to make this decision, but I don't want to make it on a whim.

It would make me sad, but it'd do me good to be by myself for a while, I think. I mean to go somewhere new but exciting, where I maybe know one or two people, but where I have to make my way on my own anew.

Or maybe it'd do me some good to really strengthen my friendships here.

Maybe they'd both be good.

bye for now.