settling in

When you're always leaving always pushing away you can never settle in.
But life seems more exciting when you're always on the move.
But why does this seem better? It's not. It's not! Life on the move isn't necessarily any better than life in one place--it's all arbitrary, all what's better for you. Think of people who spend their entire lives in a small town, only occasionally traveling away from it. Think of the depth of the connections they have with a place, with a group of people--the type of support and love that's there. Why is this worse than the life of a person who changes locations every three or four years, always making new friends while keeping certain old ones along the way, even if this means that the number of friends builds up to the point where it's hard to keep in touch with any of them very effectively? I think it's just what's better for you.

And maybe it's better for me to be a mover. This has been the pattern of my life for nine years now, ever since I started college. Spend my 4 years in Pittsburgh, spend my 3 years in Tampa, spend my 2 and a half years here...and now I'm thinking of leaving for a semester, coming back for the summer, and then leaving for a fourth year. I suppose this is partially the result of a student lifestyle, where you're naturally going to move every few years as you move degree programs. But maybe it would do me some good just to stay here. To let myself settle in a little bit more. To not spend my time here in the anticipation of leaving. I wonder if sometimes I like the attention that talking about leaving brings with it. And I wonder if sometimes I like that it makes the moments you spend with people seem more precious, because the clock is ticking--you don't have much time left!

Of course, I'll settle down at some point, once I get a job I like. I may end up settling somewhere for quite some time, in fact, so maybe I better move while I still can. And it's that feeling that makes it seem like I need to go somewhere in the spring, just because I can. When will I have this sort of opportunity again? And my friends will be here when I get back (and they'll be there with me, in a sense).

It was another meaningful day--