I can't sleep.
I really thought I was going to be better, but I have to admit I'm back to where I was a couple of weeks ago. How the hell did I end up like this? How did I end up so disappointed in myself, thinking so little of myself? I feel like I have made so many wrong turns in life and now I'm so far off course that there's no way I can escape from a life of mediocrity. This may not be true, of course, but this is how it feels. I don't understand why.
I feel dead at the core. I want to just push myself, just start getting things done, just try to turn things around! I'm trying to light a fire inside of me but the wood is damp. It won't catch.
And so I'm lying in bed, trying to hide from the world under the sheets, hoping that when I wake up I'll feel better, but somehow knowing it won't be.
I have got to do something. But I don't know what to do anymore. At moments like this, I don't know what could possibly make things better.
But they will get better, and hopefully when I'm thinking more positively I can do something.
3 comments:
make lists, that makes me feel better. Lists and just concentrating on getting through the next couple of things. try not to get wrapped up in figuring out the rest of your life all at one moment in the middle of the night.
You will be okay and YOU ARE NOT MEDIOCRE. you are excellent and bring joy to my life.
Mediocre? Pfff. Boneriffic is more like it. Keep your chin up. No, more importantly, keep the D.C. up. Well, if that's possible. Do you need a prop for it or anything? Just curious. Not like bi-curious, just the regular kind.
And, no, I'm not making light of your situation. I just read these and know you need a good laugh. Not to worry, though, only a few days until you're here. Then: on to the slum fest!
I'm sure we'll have plenty of interesting late night, drunken conversations...
See you soon.
leave the midwest, and go raise your blood pressure in some ridiculously large city
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