separatism

How did I come to feel so isolated from people who are dear to me?

It's my own doing.

My community now consists of a number of one-on-one connections, spread out all over the country (the world, in a couple of cases). This isn't really a community, though, is it? But it is what I have, and I should probably lean more on those connections, which in fact do mean quite a lot to me (though I don't think you'd know it from the amount of time I put into them).

I wish there was a place I could go where a group of people I knew incredibly well and felt incredibly comfortable with was hanging out, and I could just sink into the comfort of their support. I suppose a girlfriend would fit the bill, too, but I'd probably rather have the group--I don't like the idea of making one person into my community, since I think it puts too much strain on that single connection. In a group, the support is spread out across a number of connections, no one strand is overstrained. Of course, it'd be best to have both, wouldn't it?

Let's talk about why I don't have a girlfriend.
Actually, let's not.
Because I think that, when it comes right down to it, love is a mystery. You find it if you find it, you don't if you don't. Love can be (love IS) a hugely important part of life, but it does not occur exclusively in a romantic relationship. Family, friends, even work can be sources of love, if your heart is in them.

I want to love my life. Every bit of it. I think this is possible, or nearly possible, at least.

But you've got to know yourself. You've got to know what you love.