the breakup

I'm in ER in Urbana. Have been working on my personal statement for Harvard--I'm still questioning whether it's the best place for me next semester, but I think I'm going to send them my personal statement and see what they think. Perhaps they'll read it and say, we really couldn't help you with this. I need to find a place where there are people who resonate it with what I'm interested in; and if I can't find this anywhere, then I should probably just stay here, since I got to my current personal statement by being here, shaped by certain influences. So let's see what happens.

There's a couple sitting sort of across from me--they may not be a romantic couple, but for some reason I think they are--and they do not look thrilled to be with one another. They will briefly talk, neither very animated about the conversation, and then they will stare off obliquely for a few minutes before speaking again. It's like they're together because they have to be and they're just waiting for the clock to run out so they can leave. She just pulled out her phone and checked the time, just now. I suppose this is a downside of some relationships--they can get terribly mundane and even uninteresting. But I know how those two feel--or how it seems they feel--because that is exactly how I've felt in the past with certain people, when you know you're going to have to break up with them and you just don't know how you're going to do it. When the interest is gone.

Today I've felt "right" most of the day. I hope I'm not just getting complacent again. It's good, I think, to reflect and have all these revelations, but I hope it's not just some game for me. I hope I can make some of the changes I really do think I need to make.