sunny sunday afternoons

Sitting at Kopi on a Sunday afternoon at a shaded table, just caught up on my email from my time away. It's remarkably warm out for October 1--high is 80 degrees today--and I actually wish it were colder. I'm planning to spend the afternoon reading--I've got an incredible amount of work to do, I think, if I really want to be caught up by the end of this semester.

Last night, when talking to a friend, I ran through my options for next semester. I'm sure this was fascinating. But the bottom line is that I can do whatever the hell I want. If I go somewhere else, though, I need to be sure that what I would get out of being there (socially, academically, and/or culturally) would be worth not being here. This is something I need to figure out rather quickly, as January will be here rather quickly.

There are times, like right now, when I feel very strong; and times, like early this past week, when I feel very weak.

It would do me worlds of good, I know, to have a community here--to have a group like I did in Tampa and Pittsburgh. My community here feels more like isolated connections with individuals rather than a web of connections with a network of people. I think having a web is important to my happiness--in fact, let's be honest, I know that it's important, which is why I'm actually considering going somewhere next semester (or my 4th year) that might not be the best place academically but where I would know a small group of people: Madison, Tucson, home.

I am seeing this blog both as a way to make myself reflect on my actions (which I value) and as a way to share a side of myself with my friends (or I guess to strangers, though I'm not sure how someone would just stumble across this) that I don't always show, for a variety of reasons. It also allows me to concentrate my reflection in one place, and I think it keeps me from turning things over in my head the whole day--I know that I can save a lot of that for when I write in here.

I really do believe that if you're fulfilled in your own life--fulfilled alone--everything else (your friendships, your relationships) will fall into place. Things will just flow very naturally. But I think this can only happen if you're independently content to a certain extent, else you start to force it.

On an entirely unrelated note, I love these Moleskine journals. Love them. Have you seen them? http://www.moleskineus.com/ Check it out.

And I bought a beard trimmer today. I broke my old one, and I'm trying to keep my beard very short. I'm trying to cultivate a certain look, just because I like it. We'll see how it turns out.